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1. |
People Are Famous
03:21
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I think I got too much access
Hey look at you, you're doin' it now
While I sit here developing an abscess
Please be sure to update me on all that's gone wrong
And please be sure to leave me a note
Detailing all the reasons that you hate this stupid song
Goddamn! I don't even understand
Why I'm envious of fashionistas
Jealous of the working man
'Cuz I could never be
There's nobody as slow as me
Constantly conjuring up award-winning poetry
Broadcasting your information from a defunct TV station
I dunno what else to say
Please accept my congratulations
Nice work publishing that paper
Nice job getting that job too
You've crafted such a gorgeous life
I'm lost in it
I'm lost in you!
Your legion's unreasonable
They won't listen to reason!
This whole thing's at a boiling point
And now this is the season that we fight!
Because those photos are all right
But you've never seen a better fuckin' picnic in your life
And don't you hate it when people are famous
Well don't you hate it when people are famous
Well I think I figured out
What the problem is you see
It's like I don't believe in anyone
Unless that person isn't me
A nice meal. A fine situation
Blows up in my head into a major altercation
I admire your rampant perfection
Who watches the watchdogs for natural selection
Who chooses the words that we scorn to subjection
The one who screams loudest deserves genuflection
'Cuz this is a motherfucking call to arms
We got mobs and throngs
Pokes and bombs
Fanboy farms
Fallin' prey to my anti-charms
And all of us like all of us
We can't like anymore
We got an army of no one willing to follow us to war
But don't you hate it when people are famous
Well don't you hate it when people are famous
But don't you hate it when people are famous
Why don't you hate it when people are famous
I know you hate it when people are famous
Oh don't you hate it when people are famous
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2. |
Nothing Doing
04:20
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I can't wait to go home even though
There's not much waiting for me there
I'm gonna eat marshmallows and
Walk around in my dirty underwear
Stop at the ATM
And then go over to Cold Stone
Creamery
(I like the consistency of their ice cream)
I'm gonna get a birthday cake remix
And in my mouth there'll be a party
And there's nothin'
I'd rather do
Than do nothin'
Well, wouldn't you?
Sittin' around my best friend's basement
Playing Wii from 9 till 2 AM
Let's make a run to Taco Bell
And also stop at 7-11
I'm gettin' a chalupa
And also some jerky
Teriyaki
(Teriyaki's the best one)
Let's stick that tape adapter in the stereo
And drive our fat asses to Moonachie
And there's nothin'
I'd rather do
Than do nothin'
And you would too
I hate doing work and I also hate doing the laundry
I hate talking to people and don't like it when they talk to me
I hate it when I have to stand
Because sitting is better
I hate having to go outside no matter what the weather
And there's nothin'
I'd rather do
Than do nothin'
And sniff glue
There's nothing I would rather do than do nothing
Be nothing too
There's nothing I would rather be than be nothing
Nothing to see
There's nothing I would have to fear
If I did nothing all my years
There's no one I would rather be than no one
If you'll be like me
Everybody come together to do nothing
It'll be awesome
Everybody come together to do nothing
It should be pretty great
Everybody come together to do nothing
Guess it will be all right
Everybody come together to do nothing
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3. |
Every King
03:45
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Every king I've ever known
Has already been dethroned
I don't wanna be alone
So won't you let me go
Tell me why I should do anything
When I've chosen to destroy it all
I can't believe this place
Somebody slap my face
I never knew that I would
Get so damn old
I'm all alone up here
My most successful year
I'll fall in love with the next chair I sit in
See how high I've built my tower
Hey
I can't believe I'm rich
Check my gold-plated ditch
Now watch these giant rats do a dance for me
You wanna be like me
I'm fuckin' royalty
I'll lord it over you until I jump out of this window
Every king I've ever known
Has already been dethroned
I don't wanna be alone
So won't you let me go
I want to
Die where I stand
I want to
Die where I stand
I want to
Die where I stand
I want to
Die
Never wanted to be anything
But loved
While none of that is true
I hope it works on you
It's strictly forbidden to know who I am
All that I say's a farce
It gets so hard to parse
How is it possible that they still buy it
You all buy it still
Every king I've ever known
Has already been dethroned
I don't wanna be alone
So won't you let me go
I want to
Die where I stand
I want to
Die where I stand
I want to
Die where I stand
I want to
Die
Every king I've ever known
Has already been dethroned
I don't wanna be alone
So won't you let me go
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4. |
Who Cares Susan
01:26
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Who cares Susan
I don't give a shit
Who cares Susan
I'm a lyricist
I don't give a shit
Fuck Bob Dylan
Who cares Susan
You know nothing about writing music
I'm a lyricist
I don't give a shit
Fuck Bob Dylan
Who cares Susan
Who cares Susan
I don't give a shit
I'm a lyricist
I don't give a shit
Fuck Bob Dylan
I am sick of this
Na na na
Na na na
Na na na
Na na na
Na na na
Na na na
Na na
Na na
Na na Na na
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5. |
She Hurts
03:51
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She walked into the past
Left behind everybody
Why can't her blood be my blood
Be your blood be
She was alone
Forgotten by everyone
But the way that she suffered
So exquisite
She's angry
Oh, she's roiling
She's coming back now
She's gonna drop you
Nothing'll satisfy
She'll kill you t-t-twice in a
And every man'll fall
They can't resist her call
And I always think it's impressive
The way you completely miss the message
And I wonder if it's recessive
The way you completely miss the message
And she hurts
She hurts
She she she hurts
(She hurts)
And I always think it's impressive
(The way you completely miss the message)
And I wonder if it's recessive
(The way you completely miss the message)
And you told me you couldn't see me there
(And she hurts)
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6. |
Mermaid
03:16
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You're makin' me
Sing all alone
Just help me out
Throw me a bone
I can't believe
That you're still here
We'll go out tomorrow
We'll have a beer
You're makin' me feel like a fool
You're makin' me
Drink all alone
I'll keep on dickin'
Around on my phone
You're makin' me feel like a fool
And it's so good to be me
Mermaid
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7. |
Multiplex
02:36
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Should I take you home for sex
After the multiplex
We can always talk it out
Yeah, we can work it out
I heard what you said to me
I have no empathy
I'll fuck up your family tree
Makes no difference to me
Why can't I ever be myself?
Why can't I be myself?
You can see how much you love me when we wake up in the morning
I know it will be very hard
You can see how much you love me when we wake up in the morning
I know I will be very, very hard
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8. |
Pity Party
04:20
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For a psychopath
I am an utter joy!
Working was too hard
So now I'm unemployed!
I can't believe the way I feel isn't sanctioned by the government
And the choices that I've made rendered my present life permanent
Gonna be unhappy forever
Can I please go to sleep forever
Everyone tells me what to do
But I don't wanna do it
I got my shit I wanna do
But I don't wanna do that too
I ain't got no goddam energy
I'm scared of the world
'Cuz everything
Everything
Everything is a girl
Everything
Everything
Everything is a girl
Ok go
URGH
AAGH
Motherfucker, motherfucker, let me in!
Though I can't get strong
Though I can't stay thin
And then I make plans
Never do them
Then I make plans
Never do them
Then I make plans
Anybody here wanna be my best friend?
Show me your hands
Show me your hands
Show me your fucking hands
These are my demands
My demands
My de-fuckin'-mands
Show me your hands
Show me your hands
Show me your fucking hands
Ok go
URGH
AAGH
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9. |
Douche Guitar
04:34
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Well, I'm takin' a little backpackin' trip
Man, it's gonna be the shit
So many mysterious lands to explore
So many chances for me to be a manwhore
Gonna play a lot of drinking games
Gonna do girls I don't even know their names
Just gotta make sure to book all the right places
If they got an acoustic it's off to the races
Douche guitar
Douchin' it up
(I'm douchin' it up)
Douche guitar
Douchin' it up
(I'm douchin' it up)
There's a D-guitar by the TV there
Missin' a string but I'm so awesome I don't care
Hey beautiful, are you into the Dead?
You will be soon
Don't worry your pretty little head
Maybe Dave Matthews is more your speed
You into the J-man? I also know some Creed
Listen to me, I'm like a Masters' class
Awful Bands and Songs that Suck Total Ass 101
I'll play John Mayer!
I ain't got a care in the world!
In this hostel we'll make unwashed love, girl
Now I know you wanna hear a solo
So here it comes, here comes the solo
(Douche solo)
(Oh, I'm such a douche
All right!)
Douche guitar
Douchin' it up
(I'm douchin' it up)
Douche guitar
Douchin' it up
(I'm douchin' it up)
Well I stride across the land
With my douche guitar in hand
And everybody knows that I'm the man 'cuz
I can play some songs by shitty bands
And also songs by somewhat less shitty bands
But mostly songs by really shitty bands
Do you wanna hear some Sublime?
Of course you wanna hear some Sublime (then I'll make you mine)
Well I stride across the land
With my douche guitar in hand
Steppin' through your bedroom door's threshold
With my confident douchey swagger so boldly
And I can play a Coldplay song or two
But then I'd really appreciate if ya'd do me
'Cuz this axe needs to go back where it rests
I really don't wanna piss off the front desk (ya dig?)
Douche guitar
Douchin' it up
(I'm douchin' it up)
Douche guitar
Douchin' it up
(I'm douchin' it up)
Okay!
Douche guitar by the bar!
Douche guitar by the TV!
And douche guitar by the air conditioner
I'm also awesome at Guitar Hero
I'm also awesome at Guitar Hero
Gonna play Jack Johnson
Gonna play Bob Marley
And only two songs by Oasis
It's not like you've heard of anything except for
Wonderwall and Champagne Supernova
Douche guitar
Douchin' it up
(I'm douchin' it up)
Douche guitar
Douchin' it up
I'm douchin' it up
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10. |
Slow Story
04:17
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Once there was a boy
He was alone
Then there was a girl
She was alone
We'll die but at least we'll get out
And then there was an old man
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11. |
Top This!
03:00
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I don't wanna go home
I know that no one will be
Waiting for me
When I get there
Now I'm home alone
And I feel the weight of
Everything that I did
Before this
I'm sick of every wall
My life is so predictable
I can hardly take it
Prove I won't be alone
Come show me why I'm wrong
It's not your job
But won't you show me
I'm such a novelty
You can look but never touch me
I'm convinced you'll kill me
Everybody's alone
But no one has commitment to a bit
The way that I do
Lie down here beside me
There's still time to change your mind
I'd respect you if you changed it
Tell my why you're here now
Then tell me again
Then tell me again
Then tell me again
I don't believe a word
Help me understand why I'm still here and
You're still with me
No, I don't believe a word
Why are you still here
It's a mistake that
You're still here
Love me til' the moon goes down
And kill me sweetly
Make me forget
My whole life before this
Ungh!
Yeah, you're alone and I'm alone
But I can always top myself
Yeah, you're alone and I'm alone
But I can always top myself
And I can always top myself
And I can always stop myself
And I can always stop myself
But I can always top myself
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12. |
Get Round to It
01:50
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Do you remember when it would get so cold
That you could fall in love?
Now the ground is burnin'
And the sky is fallin'
And there's no snow to speak of
I can't believe
Lookin' at my reflection
That I'm still who I am
But I guess I'm me
It's all I got to be
So I'll sing from the diaphragm
Yeah, I'll sing from my diaphragm
Well
I'll get around to bein' someone
I'll get around to
Bein' somebody one of these days I promise you
I'll get around to bein' somebody
Even if it
Takes me all my days
On this planet earth
Hey!
Think of all the people that you ever loved
Now how the heck did you do that?
Cuz the years go by
And though I try and try
I only ever loved my cat
There's only two choices in this life
And I guess I chose to live
I got nothin' to prove
And I got nothin' to lose
But I got dumb songs to give
Oh yes
I guess I've got dumb songs to give
And I love myself
And I love my heart
Who am I gettin' dressed up for? I'm gettin' dressed up for myself
Who am I gettin' fancy for? I'm gettin' fancy for myself
Who am I gettin' handsome for? I'm gettin' handsome for myself
Who am I gettin' sexy for? I'm gettin' sexy for myself
Who am I gettin' cooler for? I'm gettin' cooler for myself
Who am I gettin' stronger for? I'm gettin' stronger for myself
Who am I fallin' in love with? I'm fallin' in love with myself
Who am I gettin' better for? I'm gettin' better for myself
I'll get around to bein' someone
I'll get around to bein' somebody
I'm gettin' better for myself
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Joe Versus New Jersey
Sad for a long time then made music
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